Finding a Chinese Jew
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."
Irish girl confesses sins
The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on
and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They
Want Fries with that
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It 'In'
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone
has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write 'For Smuggling
Diamonds'
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The
Prophecy.'
! 8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a
serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go.'
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play
tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend
Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name,
Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!, I Won!'
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking
lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We
Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of
Insanity.......Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile
