who i am?

?
will i ever be normal
will i ever feel
these are questions i ask
these feelings are real
love is just a joke
upon this gross emotion
i do nothing but choke
hatred is pure and evil
within me
there is nothing else to feel
you're looking for a pattern
but i will give you none
you're searching for a rhythm
but the rhythm is within your soul
ugly, cold, beautiful, but years old
you will fade away,
i will die in vain,
only He knows,
whether I make it or not,
will it be cold weather?
will it be hot?
a contradiction is all you see,
in what i feel
bilaterally
a toothy grin
a smiley start
fateful sin
a cold cruel heart
the role i play
twenty four seven
if you look close,
my eyes...are dead end
i will play you
without a thought
you will love me,
despite what i've got
twisted in two
is all i have for you
i am sorry
i do not know what i am...

boom....she...
boom...i...
fade into the darkness.
you will remember,
you will see,
but you do not know

the real me...