beautiful

printer problems

ralph

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife,
and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your
sleep, Ralph..'

Ralph was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live
for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and
that is as a chicken.'

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his
home.. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking,
and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first
day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ralph the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling
inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don 't tell me you've never
laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ralph.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big
deal.'

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He
soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his
head, and heard his wife yell.....

Ralph! Wake up. You crapped the bed!'

star trek

i'm actually excited, and i'm not a trekkie

i inhaled alice in wonderland

Needle Sized Art Very incredible story! Not only is this mans art cool but he got a ton of cash for it!

letters from africa

dear deb

oh boy, did i do it now! i know my last letter was supposed to be my last letter before i went to s. america, but i have to tell you this. remember the party we were going to? yeah well, we went...um, it turns out it was my wedding. seriously! i thought takotakilatkigoogleokadotcom (we call him tako-taki for short) was just a strange friend of ours from the tribe, but it turns out that when he invited me to the party, he was proposing, and when i accepted...i accepted!

so we go, and they had me sit in the main tribal chair, and they're putting face paint on me and feathers in my hair (i stopped them at the loin cloth; that was too much), and i'm all flattered because well i am the only girl in the group, so i thought that's how they treated women who are guests...yeah. guess again. then just as the hight priestess turns to me and says "you marry takotakilatkigoogleokadotcom now" i flipped. i said no! and ripped off the feathes (and some hair-ow), and stormed off to my tent.

it get's better. he originally wanted to marry Lennox, a guy with long blonde hair who lives next door, because Lennox is prettier than me! but gay marriage is not accepted in their tribe. i'm a little insulted to be honest with you.

love and french fries

syn

letters from africa

Dear Debbie,

This'll be my last letter for awhile; I'm embarking on a trip to South America tomorrow. The locals helped us build a boat. It's perfect! It'll get us through rough weather and everything! I loved this whole 'let's go on an adventure for no reason' idea. I learned a lot. Tonight we're having a farewell party. Or it's someone's wedding, I'm not sure. I do know we're invited though! Whatever, it's been nothing but work since we got here, so a party before we embark on a dangerous trip is fine with me. Well I'll write to you in two or three months!

love and french fries

syn

home depot nightmare

PSA

public service announcement
Subject: New Cell Phone Law starting Jan. 1, 200 9


Cell phones - New Law
According to a proposed new law that would go into effect Jan 1, 200 9 you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a 'hands free' adapter. I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset! Having a friend in the cell phone business, we were able to come up with an alternative.
This devise is compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. They were only $0.08 each but are only sold in bulk quantities. We then tried it with a Motorola, Sprint, Verizon and Nokia unit and they worked perfectly.

A photo of my friend using the device is attached so scroll down, take a look and let me know if you want one. Also, forward this to anyone you know, who has a cell phone, and who may want one!


















I can hear you laughing. I thought you could use a laugh.
WE ALL NEED TO LAUGH MORE......

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV , Video o Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
Your Friend



















This works with grandchildren,
nieces, and nephews as well.

new brian

letters from africa

Big Falls
Originally uploaded by Tom Furst

Debra,
I made it from the Congo alive, I cannot even believe it! The guy with the hacking cough did not make it though. Turns out they were allergies, and Monkeys hate coughing. A Monkey came down and ate off his entire head. In one bite! I have to say it was kind of interesting to hear him screaming inside the monkeys mouth, while his body roamed around for two minutes looking feeling around for the head. I felt bad, but it took me awhile to stop laughing. I told him not to come with us! lol. And the cockroach on my toe eventually fell off....I'll talk to you soon!

love and french fries,

Synderella Charming

letters from africa

Hi Debbie how are you? Everything here in Africa is a.O.K.! ha ha, we are dealing with a lot of weird diseases, but i will make it through. Well maybe that big cockroach on my big toe is a scare, and the guy the lives in the next room with the weird hacking cough is kinda skary, but, i can deal with it. Well this might me my last letter, as I currently preparing to go into a deep part of the Congo Jungle that no one ever sees again. If I make it out (which I doubt) I'll see you again, but until then, it was nice knowing ya.

french fries and love,

Synderella Charming

this is why obama won!

awww, charlie bit me!

VINTAGE

gotta luvit

dear diary...

From a Dog's Diary


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



From a Cat's Daily Diary...


glitter-graphics.com


Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the durat ion of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously stupid.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.......

very sad news

Sad News To Report

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry
Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and
Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in
show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was
not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on
half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was
a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll mode l for
millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough
and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by
his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it ....
glitter-graphics.com

bsb concert!

i winded up meeting with some friends, i had NO IDEA WERE GOING until an hour before! we sat in a great spot, the concert was awesome, AND i touched HOWIE AND AJ! plus BRIAN waved to us!!! woo hoo!


















donnie klang opened up for the backstreet boys, he was great, so kudos to him!!!
***funny story, me and brenda both worked VERY HARD to get his attention, and also, to get one of the roses he was giving out...AND ORALIA GOT IT!!!!!!!***

tina fey and john mccain

luvvit!